And when people say that they have a "god", how can that be the one God which is not personal in any way as God is no respecter of persons? The problem is the idea of this "conception" of God and yet this so-called new concept is hardly much different from the one that all of us have had since birth; which is to say that God cannot be found or experienced in a concept; something that is a product of the human mind which is all-too finite. Well after all these years, and particularly in spite of what the Big Book says about 'letting God demonstrate through us what He can do.....", so many people are still very much afraid and though this particular text might not be "the last word", well, there's hardly anything else out there that has been written on the nature of alcoholism that carries much weight, let alone reading one by someone who has had a spiritual experience which did not set Bill above the rest of us or apart from us.
And so, people are much too afraid; that they are more afraid than they ought to be, that is if they are seriously alcoholic, since the Big Book makes explicit references as to how to outgrow fear but with that "special god" of theirs, why then of course, they will remain afraid with the execption of the old-timers which some of us don't seem to care for since they do want to know God, and they do. You have to go beyond whatever concept that you hold dear sooner or later. Let me tell you, I know fear as well as anyone and yet, I am outgrowing it, ever so slowly yet and this is why meeting have become so intolerable; why it is so difficult to listen to the same old thing, but the amazing thing, though, because of the "miracle" of A.A., people do grow and there are some things in the Big Book that may or may not really be true, such as where it says that 'we are not saints'. I have to say, that there are what seem to be some rather arrogant assumptions about us, that just because we're a bunch of drunks, that were not capable of greater spiritual experinces than non-drunks? How do we know what a saint is or isn't?
What I have been trying to say, is that some of us are going to branch out; for those of us who really want to grow and please forgive me as it could well seem that I might be sounding, so----"spiritual" for I am not all that nor anywhere's near but what get me these days, is when I hear someone say, 'You need us; I need you guys; you can't do this thing without us' but yet, I think that we are capable doing things for the alcoholic who is still suffering that no one else can; that we have this Power [that is if we're not too afraid of it] who can enable us to do these things but we aren't really interested in knowing this Power as most of us don't really know It as much as we might think or like to believe. Well if we need each other that much then let's take further steps as it were, rather than just being satisfied to taking in meetings, being a meeting secretary or a GSR and then going back home our lives and not too few of us hoping that we won't get a 12th Step call, or a call from someone who would like us to chair their meeting.
Oh this is long and maybe more harmful, in ways, than helpful as lord knows how some of us treasure that most precious commodity, serenity.