It is more than apparent that I have stepped on not just a few toes and for that I must make my most heartfelt amends and I haven't even let you really get to know me but again, I make amends to everyone for just coming in here and dumping all my shit, as it were for I ought to know more than anyone that these are not dumping grounds and no doubt, I have given everyone the impression that I am all that which I certainly am not, it's just that spirituality is so important to me and how can one have recovery if they don't have spirituality? The Big Book says that 'we know only a little; we can only clear the ground a bit.......' from the last chapter but it sure wouldn't seem that way coming from this alcoholic who claims to know more than the Big Book.
I can see why so many people have left A.A. and one of the reasons as to why I don't participate as much as I used to is because of this insistence that "you can't do without us; you need us because we cannot do this alone".......and yet I fail to see what it is that this "we" are doing as it does give the impression of a religious community even though we are forever and emphatically stating that we are not for I do not believe that I need anyone or any group, necessarily to find God which is precisely what turned me off to religion and when the book says that we must lay aside all prejudice against organized religion, well, I have one very tough time with that since religion has nearly ruined me for God and so when I hear about how "we can't do this alone", well, when I reach out, I get this unmistakeable feeling that no one wants to bother.
No, I am not looking a surrogate therapist or any kind of counseling, but just someone to talk with over coffee, or, in my home group, go fishing with someone, although I don't fish. But I do like to just sit and watch the water and enjoy the surroundings, and in fact, that is what true fellowship is; "the meeting after the meeting" but sadly, our group doesn't do much of that as often as we used to when I first got sober back in April of '91. Well, I guess that is all for now, and again, my heartfelt apologies for all those toes that I have stepped on and may we all continue to enjoy this precious gift of sobriety.